ill see you all again someday
by LoveLikeYou'reNotBroken
Summary: I felt so broken, and so lost, I knew there had to be a better place. / Or, Jade commits suicide and leaves letters to each of her friends telling them how she really felt about them.
1. goodnight, my dear friends

_Dear whoever the hell finds this,_

_Well by now you've realized I'm dead. Congrats. If you haven't then you've got some serious mental issues and I can't be bothered with your stupidity. _

_For all of you I hurt, I really am sorry. I just couldn't stand another day on this earth. The pain was too much, I felt so broken and so lost, I knew there had to be a better place._

_So many people made an impact on my life that I never fully appreciated, and I never showed you how much I cared, and as I'm looking at this bottle of pills in my hand, I know I don't want you to have that as your last memory of me. _

_For that reason I have written you all letters. Cliché, ya I know, but hey I always have been, haven't' I? I wrote all the things I either forgot to say, or was too scared to say. So now you can all know the truth, what really went on in the mind of Jade West._

_For those who I don't care enough about to write a letter too, and if for some reason you find me here, holding the letters, then please give them to the people they belong to. _

_This one is for everybody, just to let them know I truly am sorry. I know I'll be happy once I lie down and close my eyes, knowing they will never again open. It calms me, and makes me feel so at ease._

_Something I never have felt before. _

_I want everyone to be strong, and not grieve over my absence. I did it with my best intentions, knowing that I will never be happy on this Earth. Please respect the choice I've made and don't cry over me._

_I'll see you all again someday. _

_Sorry for leaving you all too early,_

_Jade_

**A/N: Alright so this is my new story, and the background is basically, Jade commits suicide and writes letters to everyone, telling them how she really felt about them.**

**The next chapter will be the first letter, so review with who you want it to be too, and what it'll say.**

**Please review!**

**-LoveLikeYou'reNotBroken**


	2. i miss you love

My girl is gone.

My beautiful baby girl left me.

I can't help the guilt as it eats me alive. I knew she was unhappy, and I did my damnedest to make her happy, but it was never enough. If I had only tried harder…

She had texted me a couple hours before I found her, I hadn't known what it meant, but I knew I needed to see her.

**To: Beck**

**From: Jade**

**I love you babe, so much. Please don't forget me. I'll miss you. I'll always love you. **

I sped to her house, ran up the stairs to find her lying in her bed in one of my flannel shirts, the letters clutched to her chest, and an empty bottle of pills on her side table. I didn't even have to touch her to know she was gone.

I'm lying in her bed now, the same place I have been since the hospital marked her time of death. The letter in my hand is wrinkled from the hundreds of times I've read it over and my tears are starting to smudge the words, but I'll hold onto it forever because it's the only thing I have left of her.

My eyes glance over the pages and a fresh batch of tears well up in my eyes. The letter reads,

_My dear Beck,_

_Baby, I am so sorry. Please don't cry. I love you more than you'll ever know._

_I was suffering, Beck. Every day was hell for me, and though you were my one reason to stay alive, the insidious darkness I was trapped in finally pulled me to the end. _

_I needed to get out, Beck. Please understand, and please do not hate me for what I have done._

_I don't know where I'm going but I do know I will always love you. _

_Beck, I'm so sorry. _

_I cried for a good two hours before I did it Beck. I couldn't believe I was doing it, but I did. It was a relief for me, and I know it'll hurt less where I'm going, but that doesn't mean I won't miss you._

_I still have more letters to write, but I miss you already. The tears won't stop falling and I wish I could see you one last time. _

_I hope you get my text message, and I hope you know I meant every word._

_Please keep me in your thoughts Beck._

_I want you to move on, I want you to forget about me as your girlfriend and just think of me as a friend. I want you to find someone who will treat you right and who will love just as much as I do._

_You deserve to be happy, Beck. _

_I want you to watch over Cat for me. She'll most likely be a mess and I won't be there to look out for her so I'm leaving that job up to you. _

_Please take good care of her, Beck. _

_Thank you for always being there for me, and believing in me when no one else cared enough to. You have always been my best friend, and I will forever treasure you in my heart. _

_The pain is swallowing me whole right now. You're the first letter I'm writing and I apologize for my sloppy handwriting, my hand won't stop shaking, I'm gonna miss you so much, baby._

_I will see again someday though, and I'm glad I have something to look forward too. _

_Don't be mad that I left you Beck. Please, I beg of you. You're never alone, babe. I will always watch over you, and be with you every step of your life. Whenever you need to talk, know I'm listening, and know I will forever be with you. Remember Beck, I'm always there._

_I'm running out of things to say, but I do know that I love you, and this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But deep down I know I'm doing the right thing. _

_Beck, baby, I miss you. I'll love you forever, and I want you to be happy._

_All my love,_

_Jade_

The sobs wrack through my body as I come to the end of her letter.

She really is gone.

I'll never grow to accept this.

She was the one girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

And now she's gone.

You said you were always listening, well Jade, I miss you, honey.

I love you and I wish you were still here with me.

I will always love you.

**A/N: Well, that's Jade's letter to Beck.**

**Same as before, review with what you thought, who you want to be next, and what you want Jade to say to them.**

**Please Review!**

**-LoveLikeYou'reNotBroken **


	3. ill see you on the other side

I can't believe this.

This isn't happening.

My sister isn't gone.

She wouldn't leave me.

Except she did.

The mascara stains my cheeks, flowing down with the aid of my tears. They haven't stopped since I heard.

For as long as I live, I will never forget this day.

Beck called me late tonight, screaming and crying. The only words I could make out were 'Jade' and 'hospital.'

I fled to hospital, walking in to see Beck screaming at a doctor, tears streaming down his face. He stopped talking long enough for me to hear the doctor stutter out, "I'm sorry Mr. Oliver, she's gone."

And from that point on I knew my life would never be the same.

I'm too depressed to even pretend to be my normal, perky self right now.

I can't believe she left me.

Her life sucked, no doubt about it, but mine did too. That's why we worked so well. We helped fill the hole in each other's lives that was left gaping open from parental neglect.

She promised we'd always stick together, that'd no matter what we'd be together.

And she broke that this morning.

After me and Beck realized screaming at doctors wouldn't bring her back, we went to her house. Why, I'll never know, because the pain it inflected will be never ending.

We took a look around, glancing at pictures she had spread throughout her room. I went into her closet, where I knew she kept all her personal things, and I swear I could smell her.

I couldn't take anymore. I hugged Beck goodbye and practically sprinted from the room. I think he's still there now, I'm not sure, and I know he said he was going to call the others, but who knows when he'll pull himself together enough to do that.

I wanted nothing more than to be in Jade's arms right now. It was always the safest place for me.

A whole new set of tears began to fall as I realized that'd never happen again.

I walked down to a park Jade and I used to go to as kids. We'd spend hours here; pretending life didn't suck at home.

I walked and sat down on one of the swings. The moon casting an eerie glow on the park. I slowly rocked back and forth, before reaching into my back pocket and pulling out the wrinkled paper.

_My Beautiful Catarina,_

_Honey, I'm so sorry._

_I know I promised I'd never leave you, and believe me the guilt is eating me alive, but I just couldn't live through another day._

_The pain was excruciating, Cat. My whole life was turned upside down and the pain got worse each and every day. I wasn't strong enough to last._

_Cat, you know how much I love you. You know you were like a sister to me. And you know that I will forever love you, and treasure our friendship. _

_I miss you, Cat. _

_I would give anything to see you just one last time. _

_I feel so horrible leaving you like this, but I knew this was going to happen sooner or later, and I think you knew that too. _

_I want you to be strong, Rina. _

_Don't waste your tears on me, it's not worth it._

_I'll see you again someday. _

_I want you to be as strong as I know you can be, Cat. You're going to be okay, and I know it probably stings now, but it'll recede and things will fall back into place until I'm just a distant memory of what used to be. _

_I'll soon be forgotten and everyone will resume their lives, and I hope I become just a memory; you all deserve to live a happy life, not one full of grieving and loss. _

_Take care of yourself, Rina. _

_Be safe, and be smart and know when things seem tough, I'm doing all I can to take the pain away._

_I don't know if I believe in ghosts, or know what the hell is going to happen after I take these pills, but I do know I'm gonna try to keep you in my life. _

_I'll always watch over you, Cat. I'll be watching and hoping everything works out for you and praying to God you live a long and happy life._

_Beck was the highlight of my life, Cat. Do me a favor and work things out with Robbie. I know he loves you, and you clearly love him too._

_You deserve love, Cat. _

_I'm not quite sure what to say know, but I know I'm stalling just a bit. _

_You know, I was so sure I wanted to do this, and now that I'm saying goodbye and I'm staring at the bottle of pills, it makes it so much more real, and to be honest, I'm scared, Cat. _

_I don't know where I'm going and what is going to happen._

_But I have to get out of here, Rina. And this is the only way out._

_Be careful, look out for yourself, be smart, and know I will be keeping you in my thoughts._

_Where you always have been._

_I miss you, darling, so much._

_I want so much to pull you into my arms and never let go, and take you with me, but I know that can't happen._

_I love you, Rina. I always will._

_Please don't cry, the sight of your tears always breaks my heart. _

_All the love in my heart,_

_Jadey_

Oh my god.

Every time I read this my heart skips a beat.

I know I should be strong, and I know I should do what Jade said, but I just can't.

Not with something this severe.

Jade, I need you.

Please come back.

I love you.

I always will.

**A/N: Alright that was a suckish way to end chapter three, but oh well.**

**Sorry if I disappointed anyone…**

**And this is wayyyyy OOC, my bad.**

**Ummmm… well that was chapter three. And for those of you who didn't understand the whole 'Rina' thing. I got it from Cata****rina****. Get it? Haha sorry, I thought it was cute. **

**This chapter is a lot longer than Beck's and for that I apologize, I just love the Jade/Cat friendship. **

**So yes, same as before, review with what you thought, who you want to be next, and what Jade should confess to them.**

**Okay I'll stop rambling now. **

**Please Review!**

**-LoveLikeYou'reNotBroken **


	4. I'd Take it Back if I Could

"Tori!"

I sighed and muted the TV before turning my head towards the stairs and screaming back to my sister, "Yeah, Trin?"

"Have you seen my pretty new black dress? Ya know, the one that goes with my silver, strappy heels?" she called from upstairs, sounding out of breath like she'd been running around for an hour.

"No, Trina, I haven't." I answered impatiently, rolling my eyes. Because c'mon, can this girl do anything on her own?

"Are you _sur_e?" she doubted.

"Trina, why do you even need it right now?" I rolled my eyes again, I just want one quiet afternoon, and I _really_ don't think that's too much to ask.

"Because Tori, it's Sunday!" she answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"So?"

"_So_ every Sunday I have a photo-shoot for my blog on theSlap!" she sounded so exasperated it made me smile.

"Alright, Trin. Settle down. I don't know where it is. Go ask mom." I said calmly, though I'm sure my annoyed expression contradicted that.

"Fine be that way, god Tori, you're so selfish." I rolled my eyes. Yeah, _I'm _the selfish one in the family.  
>"<em>Mom!"<em> she shrieked and I could hear her footsteps stomping down the hall upstairs to look for my mother.

I shook my head and turned back towards the TV, I have lived with her for sixteen years, and I will _never _adjust to my sisters' insanity.

Just as I was getting back into the movie I was watching there was a knock at the door. "Coming." I called. I paused the movie and took the blanket off my legs and heard them impatitenly continue banging on my door.

"Dude, I'm coming!" I gave a little pathetic attempt at a jog and threw open the front door.

It was Beck.

And he was… he was well… it looks like….

Um, let's just say he's looked better.

"Beck?" I asked, concerned. His eyes were red and bloodshot as if he'd been crying and he looked like he hadn't slept in days. What happened? What could affect Beck of all people so much?

"Hi." He muttered, he ran his hair through his seemingly greasy hair and that's when I knew something was seriously wrong. "Uhh…" he started again. 

"Beck, tell me what's wrong. Are you okay?" I asked, worry laced in my voice. He was seriously starting to scare me.

"I wish." He chuckled darkly. Something told me there was nothing remotely humorous about this situation. "Look I really don't know how to put this, um, well you see, Jade, she uh-"

He closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair a couple more times.

"Jade? Did something happen?" they couldn't have broken up again could they? And I know he loves her but he wouldn't freak this much.

"Yeah, something major happened. Jade, well she- I don't know how to say this." He stuttered, running his hand through his hair once again. "She killed herself Tori." He whispered. Tears slowly brimming his eyes, but I could see he was forcing them back.

My hand flew to my mouth. No, she couldn't have. Jade wouldn't leave Beck, or Cat, or any of us really. She loved them. She wouldn't do that to herself, to her lover, to her best friend. She wouldn't. I know she wouldn't. I felt tears brim my own eyes as his words sunk in.

"When?" I forced out, as a single tear leaked down my cheek.

"Two days ago." He forced back the tears again and continued, "Sorry I'm only telling you now, but uh- it was hard to hear, and I kinda needed the two days to, ya know get a grip and calm down and-"

"Beck, stop." I cut off his rambling. "It's fine, I get it."

"She wrote us all letters. Saying what she wanted to part with, I guess. This one's for you." he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a wrinkled piece of paper and handed it to me.

More tears welled up as I opened the letter, seeing her handwriting fill up the page. I was completely speechless.

"I should go," he said, putting his hands in his pockets like he always did, "Go and tell the others."

"Yeah," I said in a daze, I sniffed and wiped some tears away. I nodded excessively, "Go tell them."

He nodded, stepping back, "Later, Tori." He called over his shoulder.

He was half way down the driveway when I called out his name. 

He turned and looked at me confused. I jogged down to where he was and wipe the few tears that had managed to fall.

"She really loved you, Beck," I told him, knowing he needed to hear this.

"I know," he answered, giving a sad, small smile that made my heart break. Poor Beck, for him to go through this…

I pulled him in for a hug and said nothing as I felt his tears leak into my hair. "I'm so sorry, Beck." I whispered after a few minutes.

He pulled back, nodded and wiped the tears away. "So am I." he said simply and he was gone.

I walked back into the house in a daze, I ignored my sister's shrieks and walked into my room, closing the door.

I sat on my bed and hugged my legs to my chest, before slowly re-unfolding the letter.

_Veg__ Tori, _

_I really don't know what to say._

_You had to have known I was suffering, it wasn't that hard to pick up on, and you're not as dumb as I said you were. _

_I don't know if I should say I'm sorry or not, because I don't know if you care at all that I'm gone. _

_I do know I want to apologize for everything I've done to you in the past year. _

_I was jealous Tori. And scared. Beck was the most important thing to me, I couldn't let him leave my life. _

_I never hated you, Tori._

_It was just easier to pretend I did. _

_Please watch over Cat, I won't be there to do it anymore, so please watch over my sister Tori._

_There is something I need you to do for me Tori._

_Beck is gonna be hesitant to move on. He loves me, and I know it'll be hard for him to accept this. I need you to force him to move on Tori. Make him see that life can be okay without me. Show him that everything will be okay. Find someone to love him Tori, someone who will love him as much as I did. _

_Even if it's you, just make sure he's loved._

_I am truly sorry for all I have done to you, you didn't deserve any of it, but I was so full of envy Tori, please forgive me. _

_You had the perfect family, perfect friends who cared about you, a wonderful childhood, people you could depend upon._

_Things I never had._

_It was so tough seeing you come into Hollywood Arts and achieve success so easily, when I worked my whole life and couldn't achieve half of what you did. _

_I was jealous, Tori, please forgive me._

_I guess that's all I have to say._

_You know, I've always considered you one of my closest friends. _

_I'll miss you, Tori._

_Love,_

_Jade._

My hand shook with the sobs wracking through my body.

She really was gone.

I cried myself to sleep and reminisced of all the times Jade and I shared.

I was definitely going to miss her.

I love you, Jade.

**A/N: Sorry I know the letter sucked, but I didn't know what to put…**

**So yes, please tell me what you thought, who you want to be, and what you want to happen.**

**Please Review!**

-LoveLikeYou'reNotBroken


	5. Author's Note

**A/N: I just wanted to say in regards to Tori's chapter at the beginning of her letter it says Veg Tori.**

**I didn't mean for that to happen…**

**On Microsoft word the Veg was crossed out like she started writing Vega but thought better of it and put Tori but apparently you can't have that on . **

**So I apologize.**

**Hope I didn't confuse anyone….**

**Thank you for all your reviews, they make my day.**

**-LoveLikeYou'reNotBroken**


	6. i don't know how to fix this

_Dear Andre,_

_I really don't know what to say right now._

_At this point, you've found out what happened, and I'm really not sure what to write right now, because I don't know what you're reaction will be. _

_If you're sad, then I am really, truly sorry I caused you sorrow._

_If you're mad, then please forgive my sin._

_If you're anything mildly happy, well than I hope you're happy I'm out of your life. _

_Something tells me you're too good of a guy to be happy, but then again, we're actors; it's easy to hide our true thoughts._

_If for some reason you are sad, don't be._

_I'll see you again someday._

_I want you to know that I really do care about you Andre. You're one of my closest friends and you've never left my side when I needed you. You've always been there with open arms and listened to my problems, and never complained. _

_So thank you. _

_But it's sad to say, but it is my time to go. _

_I like to think most people sense their time and go with it and accept it, because honestly, that's how I feel right now. _

_I'm in so much pain Andre; I just have to get out of here. _

_I wish you all could understand, and then again, I don't._

_I wouldn't wish this pain upon anybody. _

_It was just getting so hard Andre; please try to see it like I do. _

_I don't know what to say anymore, I really don't._

_So this is goodbye, I guess._

_I do wanna say thank you, though. For everything._

_You've always helped me, teaching me how to write music and play the piano, listening to me bitch about my dad. _

_It's so sad how our fucked up families was the most relatable thing between us. _

_I wouldn't change that though, it brought us together, and made me feel better, knowing I wasn't the only one with a screwed up life at home._

_Watch over Beck for me Andre, please._

_You're his best friend; I'm leaving his safety up to you. I know he's gonna be a mess and I can't even tell you how horrible that's making me feel, but I need you to watch him for me Andre, please._

_Same with Cat and Tori, they're gonna be freaked out, I guarantee it. Just make sure everything goes okay._

_Beck was always the strongest and now you know he won't be, and since I won't be there to take over like usual, you're the next in line. _

_Goodbye, Andre._

_Lots of Love,_

_Jade._

I stare down at the note in my hand and I shake my head again, hoping the more I do, all the memories of the past day will fly out and I'll forget about this completely.

Another tears slips from my eye and slides down my cheek, I don't even wipe it off.

My pride is the last thing I care about right now.

I can't believe this is happening. It didn't show, but me and Jade were so close, this is breaking my heart.

Poor Beck, it was so obvious they were destined to be.

Poor Lil Red! She doesn't like people knowing but she's one lonely girl. Parental neglect, and abuse, god Jade was the only thing she could rely on.

Another tear slips as my phone starts vibrating.

I pick it up off the floor and answer.

"Yeah?" I sniff, trying to make it not sound like I'm devastated.

"Hey, Andre," Tori whispered on the other line. I could hear the tears in her voice I knew she had heard too.

"Hey, baby." I whisper back, not sure if she wants to talk about what's happened.

"I can't believe this." Apparently she did.

"I know, it seems so unreal." I respond, knowing there's no point in comforting her, the pain isn't gonna recede from any of us any time soon. She didn't answer so I kept talking. "She was struggling Tori, you had to have seen it. She's in a better place now." More tears fall and I almost break down right there.

"I know, in a way I'm happy, that she's not suffering anymore, ya know?" she sniffs a couple time and my heart breaks again hearing her pain. She really did care about Jade. And knowing Jade, she probably wrote a letter to Tori saying how much she meant to her. She'd never say it if she had to see her again.

"Yeah, I know. It's a good thing. Beck's not taking it too well though." Poor Beck , he came by before, I'd never seen him so depressed. He gave me the letter and spit the words out and left. I could tell he didn't wanna cry in front of me, but the boy's gotta know we all loved her.

"He was such a mess, Andre. I've never seen anyone so sad. I feel so terrible." She sobbed for a few seconds before taking a deep intake of air and continuing, "And Cat's not much better." 

"You talk to her? How's Lil Red doin?" I was almost scared to gear the answer.

"She's crushed. She called me before but I couldn't even understand her, I don't even know if she was trying to talk. All I heard was intense sobs. The poor girl, Jade was her life. After an hour she just hung up."

"Nothing's going to be the same now, Tor. We gotta get used to it."

"I know. I'm scared, Andre." She whispered.

"Don't be, doll. She's in a better place, I promise ya she's happy. And you know she's watching down on all of us." More tears fell and I felt the sobs coming. "It's going to be okay."

"I hope so." she cried. "I miss her." She sobbed, and I heard her completely break down and cry her heart out.

I gave up on being a man, and let the sobs wrack through my body as me and the girl I'm in love with cried over someone who made our lives worth living.

We miss you Jade, don't ever think we don't.

**A/N: Alright that's Andre's letter.**

**I'm starting to like tandre a little more, so hopefully I did okay at the end.**

**I want this to be a long story, so tell me what you want to see after I finish all the letters. **

**Please review!**

**-LoveLikeYou'reNotBroken **


	7. im trusting you

Wow.

I don't even know what to say.

Me and Jade were probably not the closest people, but she _died._

It's obviously affecting me.

She was the strongest person I knew, the one any of us went to when we needed to be reminded why we have held on for so long.

But she let go.

The creased paper sits on my desk, waiting to be read once more.

_Robbie,_

_I really don't know what to say to you, because everything I've ever said to you has just been cruel, and I am sorry for that._

_I was suffering, Robbie, each and every day, I couldn't help but be bitter. _

_I will miss you, and I do love you, despite what I've always said you are one of my best friends._

_I need you to do something for me Robbie._

_Cat is my sister, I love her more than anything in the entire world, she's going to be a mess, that much I'm positive about. _

_You need to help her through Robbie. Support her, be there for her, be me. Just do whatever she needs you to do to stay okay._

_I know you like her Robbie, we all can see it. Do something about it Robbie, you two would be perfect together, and she needs someone in her life. _

_Just watch over her Robbie, there's no telling what she'll do, she's always been wildly unpredictable._

_I guess that's it, so, goodbye, I guess. _

_Love,_

_Jade._

No matter how many times I read it over, I can't accept that she's gone.

It's like she's taken a piece of all of us with her.

I know Beck's destroyed, and Cat is a mess, we all miss her so much.

Come back Jade, please.

**A/N: Well that was my first time ever writing in Robbie's POV so I'm so sorry. **

**And that's it for now, sorry about the delay, but tell me where you want this story to go.**

**-LoveLikeYou'reNotBroken**


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